Monday, December 7, 2009

Just Say No to Married Men

Well, I can't get into my blog post today without admitting that all of this Tiger talk got me fired up. I'm a firm believer that Tiger Wood's business is Tiger Wood's business. He shouldn't have had to share his personal life with the world simply because he was involved in a solo traffic accident outside of his own home that resulted in a citation for careless driving.

Whether Tiger fooled around on his wife or not, there's been a ton of talk lately about infidelity. It is my belief that women need to Just Say No to Married Men. I've created a T-shirt and maybe the next step is to write a book, I'm not sure, but I do think this Just Say No mindset is needed. So many men are crucified for cheating on their wives, and yes, wives cheat as well, but the negative concept of men who cheat is much greater. I have been hit on by married men, I have friends who date married men, I know women who are wives whose husbands have a mistress, or two. And what I believe is that we women can only help ourselves by raising our standards and refusing to date men who are knowingly taken, and especially men who are married, if for no other reason than we must respect ourselves. And also because of the fact that the unsuspecting wife at home whose husband is in a hotel room with his chick on the side, could be you.

Luckily, I've never experienced the issue of being cheated on by a husband, but I do hear from lots of women who complain about their cheating spouses. We blame men time after time, but as Steve Harvey said during an interview on Good Morning America a while back, men wouldn't cheat if there was no one to cheat with. At first I thought that statement was a cop-out - a way of blaming it all on the other woman. Men need to control themselves and think with their upper head, not the lower one. But then I thought about it some more, and in my opinion, he was absolutely correct. We women must learn to Just Say No to Married Men - whether he's buying us a two-piece meal, or a diamond tennis bracelet, or paying our rent - we need to value ourselves more and demand that men value us as well. I know it's tempting, all of you ladies who give in, but how much is our self respect worth? Can you put a dollar value on it? Let's leave that to the hookers on the street.

And so, I guess you could say I'm on this crusade to encourage women to think twice the next time "someone's husband" calls and wants to come by and spend stolen hours, or the next time you meet up with him on vacation knowing that at 6:00 a.m., he'll need to call his wife while you lay next to him in silence like a good little secret. We women, and I include myself, must start respecting the wife/girlfriend/main squeeze. If we contribute to the problem, we can only point the finger back at ourselves. This is no cure for cancer, but being mindful can make a difference by curbing this cheating epidemic, one NO at a time.

I've created a blog that launches on December 15, 2009 - I've gotten dozens of orders for T-shirts, and I'll continue to talk about it as long as others wish you share their stories. We'll have guest bloggers - faithful married men - cheating men - cheating women - deceived wives - the other woman, etc., and we'll chat about what we can do to encourage monogamy. And who knows, maybe I'll create a Just Say No to Married Women T-shirt, too. But for now, I'll start right here by saying simply - what goes around, comes around. Karma is a bitch! And karma's name just might be Bambi!

Your thoughts are welcomed! :-)


KeVin K. said...

Coming up on three decades of monogamy myself, but I have had several conversations over the years with men who have cheated.

I also know women who only date married men. I have been hit on by women who only date married men. (If I'd known what a draw my wedding ring would be, I'd have worn one all through college.)

The reason these married-men-only women usually cite -- because you know I ask 'em -- is the sense of control. And most of the male cheaters I know are also looking for control over -- or validation of -- their lives.
No idea what all that means.

I'll be very interested in what folks have to say on your blog.

Phyllis Bourne said...

I think of married men as someone else's problem.

I'm married, but if I weren't I couldn't even date a divorced man. Let alone a married one. I'd be too busy thinking, "What did you do to your wife?!?

Liane Spicer said...

Phyllis, lol! Absolutely!

Marissa, I really hope this great idea of yours takes off. I'd be the last to make excuses for serial adulterers, but you're right about women being shameless enablers. I know too many of them who coldly and deliberately target married men, most of whom (the men, that is) LOVE the game. They never see it as manipulation on the part of the women, although other women see through it immediately. They think it's because they're the hottest thing around. **rolls eyes**

Re the Tiger debacle: I'm sure many of those throwing stones have just as much to be ashamed of, if not worse. Hypocrisy all around.

Marissa Monteilh said...

Hey Kevin, yes, I'm interested in what the married-men-only women have to say as well. Great point!

Phyllis, that is funny :-) True, figuring out the single ones is difficult enough.

Liane, we'll see how the blog goes. I'm having it designed now so it looks like a 1/1/10 kick-off. And I do hear many cheating husbands judging Tiger right now, and women who have been the jump-off as well. My hope is that talking about it brings change, and shuts down some of this infidelity madness ::--)) Thx!

Genella deGrey said...

You are doing a service getting the word out, girl -
Wishing you all the very best for this project!

Terence Taylor said...

It's not just the women who have to say no -- I met a guy, went out -- let's call it that -- a few times, until I realized how evasive he was about where he lived and what he quickly came out he was married with children and I cut it off. Not THAT, though I or she should have... I am no one's other ANYTHING!

You already have the catchy slogan -- that should help it catch on! But you need one to say "Just say no to married women" too... ;)

Marissa Monteilh said...

Thanks, Genella. I'll be working hard to spread the word. Terence, I totally agree with you! Sneaky is as sneaky does. The whole philosophy of not being another's ANYTHING is one we all need to embrace. Yes, I will get on both wives and husbands, you can beleive that. Thanks for your comment :-))