Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Image Is Everything!

As authors, we are often on display and therefore it's important to consider the IMAGE we are showing to the public. In the interest of all who are interested, I offer words of wisdom and advice sifted from my own life and questionable habits.

DO NOT stay home in your muu muu—I mean leisure wear—all day, even though you do work at home, need freedom of expression (underclothing optional) and spend time on the couch thinking of plot points.

EXERCISE EVERY DAY so you won't use inactivity as an excuse to spend more time building brain cells, which is more important to your writing. Also, you don't want it to appear that you sit home slugging down Diet Dr Pepper and eating Red Whips by the handful all day. In a muu muu.

NEVER EAT small, high sugar snacks every 20 minutes (like donut holes, gummy bears, Baby Ruths, spoonfuls of peanut butter) to keep your energy level up.

DRINK energizing green tea, not expresso, Rock Star and Diet Dr Pepper.

GOOD GROOMING HABITS are important, so female writers, remember to shave your legs at least every two and a half weeks. Use deodorant everyday instead of just when you need to go out in public. Remember you own perfume and lipstick. Men, just put on something classier than shorts and flip flops.

REMEMBER, YOU DO OWN A KITCHEN, not just a cookie jar, bread bin, candy dish, refrigerator with the light out, freezer and shelves storing raisin bran, Top Raman, stale graham crackers and cornbread mix more than three years past the expiration date.

YOUR ENVIRONMENT IS IMPORTANT! Your environment should not include two months of mail stacked on the coffee table, the unused vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room, a mop in the corner for no apparent reason or and books falling willy nilly out of bookshelves.

Our fans expect us to meet their image of what a writer should look and act like. They get these ideas from movies, which we all know is based on reality. We must try our best not to burst their delusions. Remember, you are a glamorous, elusive artist, a wordsmith who lives in a literary ivory tower. Never disappoint!  


Charles Gramlich said...

uh oh! :)

Julie Luek said...

Ha! I'm quite sure I'm not guilty of any of these (ducks in case of random lightening strike). I may have been able to justify most of these but then you just had to go and mention the shaving thing. Sheesh.

Virginia Pilegard said...

Thought I might print this out and post on my computer, but maybe not. Any posting is soon lost to the flotsam & jetsam of my office/sewing room/guest room/life.

Anonymous said...

They used me as the model for Richard Castle.

True story.

Not really.