As authors, we are often on display and
therefore it's important to consider the IMAGE we are showing to the
public. In the interest of all who are interested, I offer words of
wisdom and advice sifted from my own life and questionable habits.
DO NOT stay home in your muu muu—I
mean leisure wear—all day, even though you do work at home, need
freedom of expression (underclothing optional) and spend time on the
couch thinking of plot points.
EXERCISE EVERY DAY so you won't use
inactivity as an excuse to spend more time building brain cells,
which is more important to your writing. Also, you don't want it to
appear that you sit home slugging down Diet Dr Pepper and eating Red
Whips by the handful all day. In a muu muu.
NEVER EAT small, high sugar snacks
every 20 minutes (like donut holes, gummy bears, Baby Ruths,
spoonfuls of peanut butter) to keep your energy level up.
DRINK energizing green tea, not
expresso, Rock Star and Diet Dr Pepper.
GOOD GROOMING HABITS are important, so
female writers, remember to shave your legs at least every two and a
half weeks. Use deodorant everyday instead of just when you need to
go out in public. Remember you own perfume and lipstick. Men, just
put on something classier than shorts and flip flops.
REMEMBER, YOU DO OWN A KITCHEN, not
just a cookie jar, bread bin, candy dish, refrigerator with the light
out, freezer and shelves storing raisin bran, Top Raman, stale graham
crackers and cornbread mix more than three years past the expiration
date.
YOUR ENVIRONMENT IS IMPORTANT! Your
environment should not include two months of mail stacked on the
coffee table, the unused vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room, a
mop in the corner for no apparent reason or and books falling willy
nilly out of bookshelves.
Our fans expect us to meet their image
of what a writer should look and act like. They get these ideas from
movies, which we all know is based on reality. We must try our best
not to burst their delusions. Remember, you are a glamorous, elusive
artist, a wordsmith who lives in a literary ivory tower. Never
disappoint!
4 comments:
uh oh! :)
Ha! I'm quite sure I'm not guilty of any of these (ducks in case of random lightening strike). I may have been able to justify most of these but then you just had to go and mention the shaving thing. Sheesh.
Thought I might print this out and post on my computer, but maybe not. Any posting is soon lost to the flotsam & jetsam of my office/sewing room/guest room/life.
They used me as the model for Richard Castle.
True story.
Not really.
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