At the moment, I’m swimming slowly across a sea of emotions whose depths are labeled heartbroken, wistful, determined and optimistic, toward peace of mind on the opposite shore. (My bathroom scale, however, is ecstatic. It seems that as the stress dissipates, my pounds evaporate. Best weight loss plan ever! But I digress…)
|My new office awaits|
If I could snap my fingers and make everything all better for everyone involved, would I? No. Instead, at this point, I charge it to The Game (of life, of course).
That’s part of why I share this with you today. As a writer, I think it’s the emotional experiences in life that keep us real. I’ve probably said this before in a blog, but I don’t think you can create believable characters if you’ve never been through anything. And I don’t mean that as in solely tough or negative situations. The joy of friendship or in finding your lost keys is a sentiment you can weave into the feeling of discovering love or a new planet for your readers. You have to live in order to write about life.
Even if your stories take you to the far reaches of worlds only you can imagine and pen, the plot, actions, dialogue and interactions are based on something real to you. Maybe in the world you create you flip your personal reality on its head and develop an alternate existence. You’re still examining your experiences or observances in order to move in that direction. To me, the small and big things that happen to us, don’t happen for us, that we long for, regret or aspire to, shape our thoughts as authors and what eventually lands on our pages.
So, would I change anything on this multi-year road to my now divorced state? Maybe. But, I can say unequivocally that the lessons I’ve learned – particularly over the last 15 months or so – are invaluable. I am stronger than even I, the self-professed Superwoman, thought. I am also capable of being selfless and sensitive in ways I didn’t think I would be. (I believe that’s called “taking the high road” in this situation. lol) And I remain convinced that I’m a very good mom, one who gets to add a few new nuggets of wisdom about how to take care of her kids as they embark on their new journey.
My hopes are simple: (1) That I won’t screw up and usher my kids onto Jerry Springer to diss me five or 10 years from now and (2) that I’ll soon settle into a new life space and new writing cave and get back to doing all those things I still love. Here’s to the freedom to move on. Paid in full.