The Twenty Stages of Being a Writer

In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a fun-filled book called “On Death and Dying.” In it she describes the seven stages people go through when they face death: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance.

Writers also have a lifetime of stages to go through. It starts at infancy and continues past retirement (although sometimes writing starts with retirement). Here are the 20 stages of a writer's life:

Stage One: “Oh, this floppy thing has pictures in it. Nice!”

Stage Two: “A-B-C-D-E. . .E. . .E?”

Stage Three: “Letters make words!”

Stage Four: “Words make sentences. See Spot run.”

Stage Five: “Cursive? What the???? Why can't I just keep printing?”

Stage Six: “Where are the pictures in this book?”

Stage Seven: “I want to write my own book.”

Stage Eight: “Do I really need to study English to write a novel? Naw.”

Stage Nine: “REJECTED? You can't be serious.”

Stage Ten: “Okay, I'll get serious. I'll learn grammar and punctuation.”

Stage Eleven: “Note to self: Drinking doesn't improve writing.”

Stage Twelve: “I have no friends.”

Stage Thirteen: “I found a critique group!”

Stage Fourteen: “The critique group doesn't 'get' my writing.”

Stage Fifteen: “Agents and editors are idiots.”

Stage Sixteen: “I reject 'Big Publishing.' I can do this myself.

Stage Seventeen: “Okay, self-publishing is tougher than I thought.”

Stage Eighteen: “I've got a contract with a small publishing house!”

Stage Nineteen: “IT'S A BOOK!”

Stage Twenty: “I wasn't in it for the money anyway.”