Friday, September 23, 2011

Put me in your book!


I must have known subconsciously that I was in for some weirdness when I began writing for publication - why else my determined (and ultimately futile) attempts to keep the writing aspect of my life a secret from all but two or three dear familiars?

Case in point: the shenanigans of Naughty Niece and Nefarious Nephew. I made the rookie mistake of mentioning to the former that a character in a work-in-progress is a rebellious teenage girl who sails (like my niece) and has a crush on a surfer (like my niece). My niece was delighted - so delighted, in fact, that she immediately decided to start writing a book of her own. Inspiring a child to take up the pen is gratifying, or would have been if it had stopped there...

The first sign that things were getting strange was when her brother, Nefarious, started being nice to me. He came into the office after school one day, planted a kiss on my cheek and enquired in the 'honey voice' he usually reserved for wheedling unmerited favours from his grandmother whether I was really writing a book about Naughty. I gave him the evil frown.

"No, I'm not. A girl in one of my stories sails so I asked your sister for some pointers."

"But she said..."

I rolled my eyes and went on with my work. Several days later he was back, so polite and solicitous that I smelled a very dead rat, and asked when I was going to write a book about him.

"I don't know. Never is as good a guess as any."

"Pleeeeease, pleeeease, pleeeease write a book about me!"

I gave him 'the look' and went about my business. I thought that was the end of that, but the next thing I knew, he had started writing a book of his own. He then started bombarding me with questions about the financial part of the writing lark, like, at what point did the millions start rolling in, and how soon would he be able to buy a private jet?

I didn't burst his bubble.

It's irritating when grown people who know nothing about publishing attempt to give me condescending advice such as: "Why don't you try to get on Oprah? It'll help your book." It's hilarious when my kin insist on building their castles on the sands of my non-existent publishing windfall. It's hurtful when formerly dear friends with publishing ambitions of their own don't share my joy at my little successes. When the children start acting as silly as their elders, however, it's time to return to square one and divulge nothing, nothing whatsoever about the writing side of my life.

Liane Spicer

10 comments:

The Kid In The Front Row said...

Ha! Your writing is so alive and joyous, I feel the little beats of life dancing through the words you write.. how rare! A joy!

Charles Gramlich said...

Geeze. sounds like you opened a can of worms accidentally there. I empathize.

KeVin K. said...

So....
Can I be in your next book?

Lynn Emery said...

I felt the urge to scream each time (yes, heard it over and over) someone said, "You should send your book to Oprah". I stopped talking about being an author long ago at the day job.

Don't get me started on "Write my story" requests (and the angry/offended reactions when I say no).

In fact, I don't often talk about being an author period.

Jewel Amethyst said...

Most of my family knew nothing of my writing or publishing attempts until I unveiled the book to them at my birthday party a day after its release. Fortunately most have the opposite reaction to your kin in that they warn, "you better not be writing anything about me!"

As for the Oprah thing, I tell them to go ahead and book it for me. I don't usually hear much from them after that.

Liane Spicer said...

Kid in the Front Row, thank you! You've made me smile and tingle all over. :) I can't help noticing you've got quite a way with words yourself!

Liane Spicer said...

Charles, thank you for the empathy. And believe me, you don't know the half of it...

Liane Spicer said...

KeVin Killiany, do not tempt me!

Liane Spicer said...

Lynn, the Oprah nonsense just won't go away. I've gone back to telling no one but my closest friend and my critique partner anything at all about this part of my life.

Liane Spicer said...

Jewel, love how you handle the Oprah question. I am SO stealing that.